Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
