Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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