He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
