Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
