i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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