Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
