You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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