And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
