they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
