She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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