so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
