O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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