Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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