Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
