If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
