i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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