ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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