I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
