Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
