He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
