U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
