i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
