i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How's work?
Spinning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
