Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
