Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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