Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
