at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
