Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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