I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
