my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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