So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
