College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
