Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
