So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you would pick up someone in the library
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
