last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
