Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
