I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
