What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
