i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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