At least make sure they are 18
Why
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
