I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
