I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
