the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
