If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
