Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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