I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
