i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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