i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
