Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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