did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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