I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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