Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
