Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
