Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
