Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
