glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your cock deserves a montage
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
