Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize