I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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