I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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