Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
