Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
