dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
