I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Vodka?
Forever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
