There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
