HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
