I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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