I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
