shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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