I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how do flat chested girls get laid?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
