The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
