turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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