well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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