I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
