Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
