The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
