when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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