you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
