they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
