hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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