I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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