When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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