he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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