Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
