i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
