i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
